I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Friday, 10 October 2014

A dolphin, a parrot, and a homicidal drill, by Stevie Haston.

I found myself under an arch of cream and ochre limestone, maybe khaki with some dappled green, I was a bit sad, but not blue. There was a crack like feature that might turn into a route, it was greys, charcoals, and a trimming of obsidian. The aqua marine of the sandy seas bottom was blue, really truly blue, and calm and translucent. Have you noticed how colour affects your mood? Can you affect colour? Anyway I was musing, being self absorbed, probably in some ways to take the sting out of being under this yellow brick road of an arch, which wasn't really supported very well, and seemed to have been constructed by a drunk, stoned immaculate, giant mason. 
Spinning around, back aiding, cursing, scraping skin, whacking myself with various bit of equipment, I heard a squark that wasn't me, I glanced down and saw a big blue parrot, streaking across a wind ruffled square quilt of aqua marine. Wow, I dumbly mumbled, the parrot heard me, looked up and out at me, fixed me with his big glistening eye, then it did a victory roll, and then flew off into a wider paler blue of the sky.  Cool bananas, or cool blue parrots, or whatever people say nowadays, a blue parrot, no ones going to believe me, 'is the pope a Muslim', 'do bears dedicate in the vatican'.

A week before, the biggest ever Sun fish was seen in the same place! Now then Sun fish are strange at the best of times, and are very rare, but this one seems to have dwarfed all others. I myself had swum through clouds of weird pop corn like organisms, and huge amounts of jelly fish, I thought I,d counted six kinds, it was all like some flash back from an 80s disco, complete with rippling electricity along some envelope like creatures and a double diaphanous swallow tailed aquatic butterfly.

So back to the future, and I'am equipping again, but this time I kinda suspect something odd or cool is going to happen. At the very least I will finish equipping this extraordinary roof and can start playing on it, so I let my guard down. A big splash out in the green, with the water bulging indicates a big preditor, but its a bit far out so I don't get too excited, its probably a big tuna. Then I see it its a big dappled dolphin, he (I assume it's a he) shoots around chasing something, and remember this is happening underneath me in vivid real time, real colour, he comes up with his eyes out, immediately spots me and kinda wiggles his nose, he shoots, or accelerates into the big cave, and I feel a loss, I feel bereft, he searches the big cave, zooming around, aqua flying and strafing for prey.  Suddenly he's back, head out of the water, looks at me, and cruises off, master of his medium, water his play thing. Suddenly I feel deathly clumsy, inarticulate and sag into my harness like a dead dough like jelly fish. 
Just as I am unwinding from this brief sentence of human uselessness in the face of dolphin supremacy I accidentally turn the drill on. I don't panic, its happened to me before, I'ave even drilled myself, just be ok with it turn it off and lick your wounds. The drill has got other ideas, it doesn't just want blood, its transmorped into vengeful driller killer. it starts catching and whiping equipment, friends, and pegs and the hammer around then it drills into a buckle on my equipping bag, and pulls me towards it self, finally it catches a sling around my neck and reels me in, slowly turning my gas off! I now panic! This mechanical choke its got me in is gonna make me pass out, and then I will sag upside down and then die in my own sweet slow time. As I begin to grow weak the drill starts to buck like its in a sexual frenzy of murder, and the heavy battery whips around as I'am loosing focus and  it clobbers me on the eye brow, the fucker coshes  me. Coup de fucking Grace, I start to bleed, at least it will look like I put up a fight, anyway just as an after thought, as the bloody trickle turns into a sprinkle, I grab the drill and I don't just try to turn it off, I frantically search for reverse, If I press stop I die, if I press reverse I live. After some mighty strangling of the device it goes into reverse and blood flows into my brain. 
A few days later with Jeff we tried the route in a big electric storm, Jeffs bare brown torso would occasionally turn electric blue like a celtic warrior. He gallantly belayed with water channeled onto his head thru the roof cracks, I cackled. We shook in the cold but like Ahab I wanted my Whale, then I thought the water looked like it was fizzing and felt prickly. 
We contrived our escape…..to be continued.